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BULLET POINTS

23 May

Absurdly quick roundup, because bed:

  • The Avengers was incredible. Admittedly I’d walked in hoping for, but not expecting to  receive, The Adventures of Tony Stark and Friends, but therein lies the film’s brilliance – each lead has enough individual moments of either sheer, usually violent heroism or understated hilarity that it’s impossible to waste effort picking a favourite. I still haven’t seen, nor am I still likely to see, the Hulk prequel, but his scene with Loki alone was enough to elevate him to ‘Almost As Fun As Robert Downey Jr.’ in my really-not-qualified-be-a-film-critic eyes.
  • Speaking of criticism, I reviewed Tribes: Ascend over at Gaming Daily. In hindsight I might have been  bit harsh on the turtling/defensive aspects; circumventing them takes practice, but is possible, and in some cases has actually made my flag-capturing attempts far more tense – and thus more rewarding to pull off. Still detest turrets, mind.

  • Over on BeefJack, meanwhile, I had a look at free mortify-em-up Raptus and previewed Crysis 3. Sadly, only two of my three ‘cry-’ puns made the cut in the latter, which means it’s only two-thirds as informative, witty and transcendent as it could have been. Still, I’m quite pleased with it – I wanted to make it partly about the series as a whole without drawing on tedious ’1 vs. 2′ tantrums which seem to show up whenever a Crysis sequel is mentioned on a site with longer comment threads than ours.
  • unforgivably, I’ve only seen four episodes of Adventure Time. This is the fifth-worst situation to be in once you’re aware it exists, and I plan to use the summer break to catch up, but you don’t need to be a longtime fan to enjoy this stunning and sweet songification:

Offcuts: Due Date

25 Jan

Behold, the worst injustice in filmic history since that actor you like wasn’t nominated for that award you thought he should win: Due Date’s Metascore is twenty-two points lower than that of The Hangover. I. Know.

Zach Galifiankis plays pretty much the same oblivious, thumb-handed idiot in both films, but partnering him up with a quietly seething Robert Downey Jr. yields far funnier results than having him flanked by two equally stupid (but considerably more prone to hysterical screeching) manchildren. RDJ’s expecting father -a high-strung but straight-faced architect forced to roadtrip across the US with the bearded cretin that got him kicked off his plane – focuses his rage with laser precision. It’s genuinely funny when he punches a kid in the stomach, almost entirely because of the swiftness and efficiency of the blow – in an instant, the outburst has passed without so much of a changing facial expression. These kinds of moments are, simply put, far more entertaining and far less tiring than the prolonged screaming meltdowns that so often punctuate male-led comedies.

The story is predictable, the situations contrived, but Due Date boasts  some great staccato-ish gag delivery, gorgeous scenery and an enormously underrated double act (even though Galifiankis can’t match his co-star’s comedy chops, he’s likeable enough and absolutely sells the more dramatic bits) that probably won’t reform ever again. LoveFilm it, at the very least.

Offcuts: Fixing Modern Warfare 3

19 Jan

The sequel!

1) Make Akimbo Go To It’s Room And Think About What It’s Done

Most games of multiplayer MW3 are blisteringly fast. The excitement therefore comes in the fraction of a second it takes for you to meet an enemy, level your gun before they do, and be the first make an accurate hit. It’s an almost inconceivably brief period of interaction, but there are so many instances of this during one game that it isn’t really a problem.

All akimbo loadouts successfully remove this. Instead, their user simply strolls around, looking in the vague direction of any foe and liquefying them with a wall of hipfire spray before they can even bring up their sights. This isn’t tense, fair or fun for the victim, and – having tried this tactic myself in a couple of games – doesn’t provide any real satisfaction for the culprit.

It seems to me like, just maybe, secondary weapons should be used as secondary weapons? Making akimbo guns far less accurate than their two-handed default equivalent – even with Steady Aim – would encourage slower but more rewarding playstyles, without sacrificing their role as close-range backup for snipers.

2) Seriously, Why Are Flares Still Automatic?

The general de-emphasis of offensive killstreaks in favour of team-friendly Support pointstreaks is a huge leap in the right direction, but mighty Osprey choppers and AC-130 gunships still act undeservedly unassailable. When the best players are given even more opportunities to remotely blow up the losing team, is it really so much to ask to have them take their finger off the trigger for one second to deploy their defensive flares manually?

3) Even The Odds: Give Out Free Unlocks

One of the reasons I abandoned Battlefield 3 was that I was sick of getting killed by people with objectively superior weapon attachments to what I’d unlocked so far. Thanks to smaller maps, higher damage and lower recoil, this isn’t so much of an issue in MW3 – someone with an ACOG scope doesn’t necessarily have an absolute advantage over iron sights peasants (as in BF3). Still, the new Proficiencies (perks for weapons rather than people – lower recoil, better bullet penetration etc.) don’t start unlocking until several levels in, and new ones appear only infrequently after that.

It would be great if freshly-unlocked weapons came with all the Proficiency options included. There are still incentives to level up in attachments and camos, but newer players start out on a slightly more level playing field – and are free to experiment with different setups before they settle into a complete loadout.

 

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